A co-worker of mine has been moving this whole month, and while cleaning out his stuff, he came across a whole bunch of old magazines from the late 80’s and 90’s. He brought them into work for us to read, and man, it’s crazy stuff! It’s been interesting to see who was proclaimed the new “it” director or actor (most of these people are now way off the radar) and what songs and movies were popular back in the day. And kinda sad that some of those magazines are older than another co-worker who was born in 1990.
In reading all these magazines (mostly Premiere and Entertainment Weekly), I came across an interesting article. Here it is, in it’s entirety.
Enjoy.from Premiere magazine, the January 1988 issue.
LOVE IN HOLLYWOOD, by Lynda Obst (who was, at the time, a producer at Walt Disney Studios)
Emotion in Tinsel Town is based on the fact that you never know who is about to become indispensable to your career. Today’s producer is tomorrow’s producer.
1. LOVE AS COVERING YOUR BACK: This is a very common form of love in Hollywood. You never know who is about to become indispensible to your career, so you must play it safe, just in case. Today’s waitress is tomorrow’s hyphenate (writer-director, writer-producer, producer-director, etc). Arrogance is very expensive and must be doled out carefully, with considerable forethought.
2. LOVE AS MILD INDIFFERENCE: At a screening, Hollywood etiquette prevails. That is, if you absolutely abhor a picture and you cannot bring yourself to lie, you must find socially acceptable compliments. “I loved the cinematogrpahy” implies that you didn’t like the movie, but covers your derriere. Other handy phrases include: “It’s all up there on the screen,” “Only you could have done this,” “It’s gonna be huge,” ad nauseam.
3. LOVE AS CIRCLE JERK: This is when mutually self-interested individuals sit around and amire each other shamelessly. The most common form of mass adulation in Hollywood, it can be recognized by the wild hyperbole that characterizes it. It is always practiced in a group, because the confirming presence of others indicates that you’re in the right place at the right time. If you are the object of a circle jerk, you must not mistake what is said to you as any measure of either your status or your talent. These affections are subject to next week’s box-office results.
4. LOVE AS UNRESTRAINED ENEMY: Mildly disguised hostility packaged in a backhanded compliment is, oddly, a real compliment. It means you may actually have achieved something, if only the envy of your peers. (In Hollywood, as on Wall Street, envy itself is an achievement.) The least likely people – often your friends, as in this case – are unhappy with your success and perfect strangers delight in it. Lovely, isn’t it?
5. LOVE AS CURRENCY: One person’s heat is another’s career boost. Old dalliances are suddenly and vigorously renewed in anticipation of your success. Beware: no relationships in Hollywood are innocent. Yesterday’s one-night stand is today’s development executive.
6. LOVE AS SELF-LOVE: It is simply mind-boggling, the degree to which affection is self-reflexive in HOllywood, the American capital of narcissistic personality disorder. Hollywood players see images of themselves wrapped around everyone else’s triumphs. It is not the director’s brilliance, nor the depth of the characters created by the writer, nor the actors’ perfect performances; if the picture is a hit, it is the studio head’s enormous distribution apparatus that is responsible (the only metaphors in Tinsel Town are sexual ones.) Conversely, if the picture flops, it is because of the director’s lack of talent, the writer’s mindlessness, the actors’ shallowness, etc. Self-love knows no impediment.
7. LOVE WITH THE PROPER STRANGER: As Jim Morrison sang, “People are strange.” Even in the era of AIDS, a groupie’s admiration is still the ultimate accoutrement of public success. Old friends are old business, because you already know what they have to offer. Everything that is new is fabulous, because you haven’t been disappointed by it yet. In modern Hollywood, the mark of a hot writer is the beautiful girl on his arm. Very modern. But beware: Yesterday’s M.A.W. (model, actress, whatever) is also today’s development executive.
8. LOVE AS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY: Directors never have to say they’re sorry. If they insult you, they know that for the right price, the studio can get you back, and if it can’t, there are thousands more of you out there dying for the job. So hold it in, and they become monsters. But don’t forget – you’re the lout, they’re the genius. If your picture is a hit, it’s their success. If your picture is a flop, it’s you’re failure.
9. GENUINE LOVE: If you are lucky, eventually, in the midst of all the horrible and exquisite hype, you will learn who really loves you. There are not very many, and the circle only gets smaller. Your wife, if she married you before your success, loves you. Your siblings probably love you, if they’re not thwarted – and envious – themselves. And most of all, your parents love you. Back home, your triumph is their triumph. Or, on second thought, this is just another example of mutual self-interest, the most common form of love in Hollywood. No? It only seems that way because, in the midst of accelerated hype, everyone’s motives are temporarily suspect. Two weeks after your movie opens, you will finally realize that you have a coterie of people who truly are rooting for you. Root for them in return. You will discover that this is not mutual self-interest, but a much sweeter thing: genuine love.
Leave a Reply